Done and Undone
by RemyMcKwakker
Summary: Drake figures out that if Josh did take him back, he might as well make it worth it. Responsible!Drake and Confused!Josh ensues. Then a confrontation. No slash. Set after Josh Is Done.


**I got this idea after watching _Josh is Done_ for the millionth time. Enjoy.**

**Set after - surprise - _Josh is Done._**

* * *

The ping-pong ball bounced off the table and rolled away. "I'll get it," both boys called out at the same time.

Smiling slightly to himself - God, it was so good to have Josh back - Drake got on his knees and began going after the little yellow ball. He finally got it about three meters away from where it originally fell off, and then looked up to see Josh smiling at him.

He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt ... ashamed. It wasn't a new feeling; he'd gotten well-acquainted with it over the past few days. But he hadn't been expecting it to return with such force, especially after he and Josh made up.

So he looked back down, mumbled "Got it" and got back to his feet. He turned his back on Josh and began walking back to his place at the table, but the sound of footsteps and even breathing behind him told him his brother was following him. "Drake," Josh said softly, and he stopped in his tracks. "Drake, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," answered Drake, not very convincingly. "Now come on, let's finish this game."

"Drake," began Josh again, but was cut off.

"I'm okay, man. Now come on, I want to kick your butt and get this over with."

Josh smiled at that. If Drake was insulting him he had to be fine.

* * *

Drake didn't sleep that night. He couldn't.

Josh's deep breathing and sometimes random mumbling in his sleep usually relaxed Drake. It usually told him everything was fine, and helped him fall asleep. But right now it was just bothering him.

He tossed and turned, trying to keep his thoughts at bay and failing. He just couldn't believe Josh had taken him back. Okay, so it wasn't that unexpected, not after his breakdown in Chemistry earlier that day, but it still made him think. And thinking was something Drake Parker didn't like to do. It depressed him.

He'd spent the last few days mentally beating himself up, right after being done with denial. He'd told himself countless times that it was all his fault, and that he'd totally deserve it if Josh never talked to him again. He'd analyzed every aspect of his personality and found a billion flaws. Then he'd beaten himself up some more.

And Josh had simply taken him back and confused him some more.

Was it that easy for Josh to throw him away, to discard him? He'd definitely been happier without Drake in his life - any fool could have seen that. Josh had been out, making new friends and having fun, while Drake had stayed in bed and moped. And Drake had apologized. So many times he lost count. And Josh had remained indifferent.

Was Drake some sort of object, to be thrown away and then taken back at one's will? Did he really mean that less to Josh?

Drake wasn't much good with sustaining relationships, he knew that, but one thing he was sure of - he had to change. Because he (and just about everyone by now) knew he needed Josh.

* * *

Josh panicked when Drake wasn't in his bed the next morning. He panicked even more when he found Drake downstairs, making breakfast of all things.

"Hi!" he greeted Josh when he saw him appear in the kitchen.

"H-hey," answered Josh uncertainly. "What are you doing?"

"Thought I'd made breakfast," Drake told him brightly. "I wasn't sure what you'd like - or what I'd be able to make without, you know, burning down the house - so I just made sandwiches. That okay?"

Josh examined the sandwich Drake set down in front of him. "Looks great," he complimented. "Thanks."

Drake smiled so sincerely it almost surprised Josh. "You're welcome," he said.

* * *

"Why aren't you in the car yet? We're going to be late," Josh said when he went outside to see Drake standing next to the car.

"I figured you'd want to drive," Drake said. "Do you?"

Josh smiled. "Yeah!" he replied excitedly. "Sure! Thanks!"

Drake threw him the keys. "Here you go."

Josh wasn't sure what was up with Drake, but he was liking it.

* * *

"All right, class," said Mr. Roland. "The instructions are on the board, and I better have some good salts by the end of this class."

Josh turned to explain to Drake what they were supposed to do, even though he knew it would probably be of no use. To his astonishment, he saw Drake squint at the board, and then look back at the beakers and test tubes in front of him. "What are you doing?" asked Josh, perplexed.

"We're supposed to be making salts, right?" answered Drake. "So I'm reading the instructions."

"You're actually going to work with me?" Josh's mouth fell open.

"Yeah, so?" Drake replied with a casual shrug, as if it was nothing new.

"You _never_ work!" Josh pointed out.

"No talking back there!" Mr. Roland called, and Josh shut up.

"Okay, so how about you make the sodium and barium salts, and I'll make the magnesium and calcium ones?" asked Drake.

Josh felt faint. "How do you even know all these names?"

Drake shrugged. "Well?"

"Okay, that sounds good," Josh answered with wonder in his voice. What was with Drake?

He was left to watch in awe as Drake began working. He nearly fainted when Mr. Roland actually praised Drake's efforts and the salts he'd made.

* * *

"Hey, Drake," Kat said with a smile. "Got a minute?"

"Hey, Kat," Drake answered, not too enthusiastically. He'd actually paid attention in all his classes for a change, and it made him feel sick. He just wanted to get home and sleep.

"You free?" she asked suggestively, batting her eyelashes. "I've been missing you."

"No, as a matter of fact, I'm not free," lied Drake, trying to ignore her advances. "There's some stuff I need to do."

"Can't it wait?" she questioned, taking a step closer.

Drake stepped back, resisting the temptation to just give in to her. "No, sorry," he said apologetically.

"Aw, too bad," she said with a little grin. "I'll see you later, then."

"Bye," Drake answered. He turned and started to walk to the car, only to almost crash into Josh.

"Drake, are you okay?" Josh sounded concerned.

"Just a little tired," Drake replied. "Why?"

"You just said 'no' to Kat," Josh reminded him. "You never say no to any female."

"Like I said, I'm just tired," Drake explained. "And besides, we've got homework, haven't we?" Without waiting for a reply he began walking to the car, leaving Josh gaping after him.

* * *

True to his word Drake actually did do his homework, without asking any help from Josh. Suspicious, Josh kept stealing surreptitious glances at him from behind his textbook but failed to figure out what was up. It didn't seem like a prank, and Drake wasn't sick either, so what was going on?

Around two hours later Drake put his pen down and stretched. "Well, now that that's done," he said with a yawn, "I think I'll sleep a bit."

Josh nodded at him. "Okay. I'll wake you up in a couple of hours?" he offered.

"Nah, it's all right," Drake refused. "I'll set an alarm."

"You sure?" questioned Josh, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Drake answered with a small smile. "See you later."

When Josh was sure he was gone, he sneaked a look at Drake's homework. His mouth fell open at what he saw. Rows upon rows of neat handwriting, and all of it 100% correct. He hadn't expected that, and it shocked him a little. How could someone so evidently smart act so stupid all the time?

And wait - Drake actually paid attention in class?

* * *

Josh entered their room later to find Drake awake and talking on the phone. "No, man, I can't," Drake was saying. "No, I can't practice tonight, I've got a Biology test tomorrow ... what're you talking about, 'course I study ... sometimes ... okay, this is my first time. No, I can't, man, and that's final. I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, later." He hung up and noticed Josh. He smiled. "Hey."

"Hey," greeted Josh. "Who was that?"

"Band," Drake replied shortly. "They want me to practice today. I told them I can't."

"So you're really going to study for tomorrow?" inquired Josh.

Drake eyed him weirdly. "Yeah, of course. I mean, doesn't this count for, like, a huge part of our grade?"

"Yes it does," Josh answered, feeling extremely confused, "but why do you care?"

Drake shrugged. "It's probably important for my future or something."

"I thought your future was your music," Josh said.

"It is," Drake confirmed, "but just in case, you know. Besides, the E string on my guitar broke."

"You still haven't gotten that fixed?" asked Josh.

"Nah, didn't feel up to it," Drake said. "Now if you'll excuse me," he casually shrugged, "Biology test to study for."

Books, Josh found out, looked weird when held by Drake.

* * *

Drake had originally planned to think over his day while in bed, but he was too tired. Man, being responsible was hard work. He was asleep in a few seconds.

Josh, however, didn't have it so easy. He couldn't help mull over Drake's strange behavior. Drake had made him breakfast, let him drive, helped him in Chemistry, paid attention in class, refused a make-out session with Kat, done homework and canceled a band session to _study_. What was going on?

Josh figured it might have something to do with their not-so-recent falling-out. But before he could think too much on it, the day caught up with him and he drifted off to Dreamland. Just before he fell asleep he promised he'd watch Drake closely the next day, to try to figure out what was up with him.

* * *

Once again Drake was awake and in the kitchen the next morning. Josh watched him closely for any signs of brain damage or bipolar disorder or anything similar, but came up with nothing. Once again Drake let him drive. In class, Drake was the first to finish his Biology test. The teacher graded it on the spot, and he got an A. Josh was sure he saw a few people in the back of the class actually nosebleed and/or faint.

Josh had already been suspecting that something was wrong, but it was confirmed after Drake refused Kat again (as well as around fifteen other girls), finished his homework, came back from band practice before curfew and, weirdest of all, acted nice with Megan. Josh wasn't sure whether he was more freaked or worried about the last part.

He confronted Drake late at night, right after he saw Drake set an alarm for the next morning. That was the last straw. Josh got out of bed and went over to Drake, who was pulling his comforter over himself. He sat himself down next to Drake and demanded loudly, "Okay Drake, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" asked Drake, pausing in the act of fluffing his pillow.

"What's with you?" demanded Josh. "Why're you acting like this?"

"Acting like what?"

God, was Drake really that oblivious? wondered Josh. Out loud he said, "You woke up on your own, you made me breakfast, you let me drive, you worked hard in school, you did homework, you studied, you postponed band practice, you refused Kat and you acted nice with Megan. What gives?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Drake answered shortly, before turning the other way.

"Don't turn your back on me!" said Josh loudly. "I want to know what's going on!"

"Nothing!" retorted Drake, still turned away from Josh. "Now go to sleep."

Josh crossed his arms tightly around his chest. "Not until you tell me what's up with you."

"Nothing's up with me."

"I don't believe you."

Having had enough, Drake turned back so that he was facing Josh again. Looking his brother in the eye, he said, "You want to know what's up, Josh?"

"Yes," answered Josh.

"I'll tell you what's up," Drake said, his eyes bright. "All through last week, do you know what I've been through?" When Josh didn't answer, Drake went on, "I kept thinking about myself, about what a screw-up I am, and I kept beating myself up for it. I actually ended up hating myself, can you believe that?"

"Why?" asked Josh, dreading the answer.

"Because of you!" burst out Drake, seeming to have lost control over what he was saying. "I figured there must've been something wrong with me, to make you hate me, so I -"

"I don't hate you -" began Josh, but Drake cut him off with a mirthless laugh.

"Yeah, right," he said bitterly. "I know you, Josh. You were so glad to get rid of me. Everything was going so good for you. You were having fun, you got along with Helen, heck you even got rid of that rash you've had for, like, forever. And all because I wasn't around."

"That's not it -" Josh tried again. Again he was interrupted.

"Yes, Josh, that _is _it," Drake said. "I'm not stupid, okay? I was wrong. You don't need me. And even then you just took me back and pretended that nothing happened, like what happened wasn't important, and it killed me, you know? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you forgave me," Drake added when he saw the look on Josh's face. "I just don't get _why_. I mean, you were so much better off without me. So I figured, if you're going to take me back, I might as well make it worth it."

"By completely losing yourself?" questioned Josh. "Drake, the person I've been living with for the last two days isn't you. That's not the Drake who's my brother."

"It's so easy for you to say that, huh?" muttered Drake, eyes burning. "That I'm your brother. Tell me, Josh, how easy was it for you to just throw me away?"

"I didn't throw you away," protested Josh.

"That's not what I asked," Drake pointed out. When Josh didn't answer, he laughed bitterly, trying to ignore the lump in his throat. "See? I never really mattered, Josh. You put up with me for a bit, and then, when you'd had enough, you trashed me like old clothes. Do I really mean that less to you, huh, Josh?"

Josh found he couldn't look Drake in the eye. Or answer him, for that matter. After a minute had passed by with no sound from Josh, Drake said, almost choking, "So I guess that's it, huh?" Before he could lose whatever remaining dignity he had, he turned on his side again, facing the wall.

His shoulders were shaking, though, and Josh could tell he was crying. Feeling like utter and complete rubbish, he uncrossed his arms and tentatively reached for Drake's shoulder. "Drake?" he said softly. When Drake didn't respond to his voice or his touch, he continued, "Drake, listen to me."

He took Drake's silence as assent, and began, "It was never easy for me to be done with you, okay? It may have seemed that way, but it wasn't. You're my brother, Drake. And okay, sometimes you're an idiot, and that makes me mad. But I over-reacted, okay? I shouldn't have." Drake had ceased shaking, and Josh knew he was listening. "And I took you back because I missed you, man. Not because I felt sorry for you or something. I really missed you."

"You were happy," croaked Drake.

"I wasn't," contradicted Josh. "Having fun and hanging out with other people - it meant nothing, Drake, not without you. It felt empty and forced, because you weren't there. Sure, I was still mad at you, but that doesn't mean I didn't miss you. And all this lately, it just confused me, because that's not you, Drake. The Drake I know relies on me to wake him up every morning. The Drake I know can't cook to save his life. The Drake I know doesn't care about school. The Drake I live with isn't like that, man. And I miss that Drake."

Drake sat up and looked at Josh. His eyes were red-rimmed and his face was wet. "Why?" he asked.

Josh smiled at him. "Because that's the Drake I love."

Drake couldn't help it. He began full-on sobbing. Startled, Josh said, "Wha - Drake, man, come on! Don't cry, man!"

"I'm sorry, Josh!" Drake managed to say through his tears. "I'm sorry!"

Josh put his arms around Drake and drew him close. It wasn't preceded with the exuberant "HUG ME, BROTHA!" but it contained as much feeling as the other hugs did. "Stop apologizing," he chastised gently. "I don't like it."

Drake hiccuped into silence, his cheek on Josh's shoulder and his face in Josh's neck. "Okay," he murmured. Then he said, "Thank you."

Josh patted his back. "Don't," he said. "I just - we're both idiots, aren't we?"

"Yeah," agreed Drake. "I mean, can you believe I actually paid attention in class?"

"No, I can't," Josh said. "It's still shocking."

"I know, right," answered Drake, not moving away from Josh. "It's scary. I mean, I don't think I'll ever be the same again."

He meant it in more ways than one, and they both knew it. But it didn't matter anymore. They'd both been stupid and hadn't thought before they'd acted, and they'd both learned from it. It was never going to happen again.

"You're wrong," Josh said to Drake, minutes later.

"What about?" questioned Drake.

"You said you need me more than I need you," Josh said. "That's not true. I need you too, you know."

"No, actually, I didn't," Drake reminded him.

"I do," Josh assured him. "Just - in a different way."

"Hmm," Drake answered. "That's good to know." Josh felt him growing heavy, and knew he was getting sleepy. Nevertheless he didn't move away.

"Sleep," he whispered. "You've tired yourself out."

Drake's soft breathing on his neck was his only answer. It was enough.

* * *

**Phew. That came out longer than expected.**

**Reviews are love.**

**-Peace**


End file.
